we feed on greed
Dear Abby,
My husbands's stepsister "Melanie" visits us from Alabama for five days every year. When Melanie stays with us, she expects to make us a "southern dinner" one night during her stay. Before she arrived, I told my husband "Lawton" that I didn't want her making dinner because she goes through my kitchen drawers and cabinets without asking where anytyhing is. She just takes over my kitchen!
I dont mind if Melanie helps herself to something in the refrigerator, gets a plate and silverware or something of that nature. But for her to come in and take over my kitchen and root through every drawer and cabinet truly upsets me.
Lawton went against my wishes and told Melanie it was OK to make the dinner. Abby, I couldn't even stand to be in my own kitchen while she was preparing it. I felt I couldn't say one word in my own home.
Lawton let me know it is his home, too, and when his stepsister comes to visit she's allowed to do whatever she wants.
Am I wrong in the feeling the way I do? If I am a guest in someone's home (even my sister's), I never do anything without asking. I was brought up to respect another person's home. I feel my husband should have complied with my wishes. Am I wrong? Please enlighten me.
-upset wife
Dear upset wife,
whoa! first off what's in your cupboards? cus if it's heads or squirrel skeletons or love letters to santa I can't help you. You have to go to hospital. Okay, assuming it's just you know regular kitchen stuff like pots and pans and bowls and spices and whatever here is what I have to say. Yes you should be mad at "Lawton" but not because he let a relative cook you guys dinner. You can be angry with Lawton because he let you get to the point of total anal retentive crazy uptight bitch that you are writing letters to dear abby about someone going in your cupboards, obviously the man has not put out in some time, maybe your craziness has something to do with it.
If you want to resolve the situation and improve the pathetic state of your marriage here is my advice; pack a bunch of kitchen utensils into your oversized mom purse and go pick up some virgin or similarly desperate young boy at your local cougar bar; make him stuff all your orifices with the kitchen utensilsso that he gets you you off amazing with the end of your spatula or something. Now you will relax a little plus you will feel guilty for cheating on your husband and therefore maybe try and do him a little more and complain to him about retarded shit a little less. You wont be bothered by your step-sister in law rooting thru your kitchen cupboards for crap because the sight of someone rooting thru your drawers for the right utensil will serve to remind you of the night your young drunk stallion rooted thru your "drawers" looking for the right untensil to make you ruin the bedsheets, plus you will feel some sort of perverse pleasure knowing that she's unknowingly rooting thru your dildo drawer. Trust me that this recipe for harmonious family relations will out-do any "southern dinner" your dirty NOT EVEN BLOOD in-law sister can cook up. BON APPETIT! |
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