The Lewd Angel

no pictures=no order

I hate that I spent all this time earlier today thinking about stories and I cant post them now. I hate that I walked around Toronto all day and night and I saw so many interesting things and I can't remember them all. I hate that when people scroll thru blogs they will be not read this because there is no pictures. I hate that Jamie has a power over me. I hate that people think I write my blog because I like how much drama it seems to be creating. I hate when people compare blogging to a diary when it is so much more comparable to a letter.

This sounds ridiculous but I really do have a passion for blogging. I have never concentrated on any one thing so much in my life. I always had people so far away from me that I was narrating to them in my head. You know even before that started when I was a loner kid with no friends I would read nerdo science fiction books and pretend that the characters were real and I would write them letters and talk to them in my head. I am remembering that now, and MAN I was loser because when kids would make fun of me I would totally think stuff like yeah well one day a horse from another demention is going to swing by and get me outta this dump so I really don't care what you say because I won't be using my newfound magical powers to bring YOU along.

At any rate, my point is that I have never had an outlet that felt so natural as blogging. The last couple of years I kinda noticed that somehow in growing up that my creativity had gotten misplaced somwhere in the working and moving and the drinking and the smoking and the sex. Then I kinda realised shit I am an adult and I am not at all happy.

My mom has a dog named Robin. We had her for many years and she was always aloud to roam free or outside in the day when we were gone. She is a very smart, very good dog. Awhile ago mom sold her old house and built this big new house on the property in behind. Her and her husband decided that they didn't want Robin scratching up or messing up the new house so they started tying her up in the garage when they would go to work. I would bug mom about this and she would kind of say oh no well she likes it because sometimes even when you took her off her leash she would just want to stay out there but the thing is that eventually Robin started acting weird, she just kinda started growling and getting into things that she never would have before and doing more weird dumb things like eating tin foil and then puking it up. She could stand being tied up on a day to day basis but over time it was making her weird. A dog is designed to run around all day and when you take away what comes naturally to them it will make them bad and fucked up and confused. I think that missing out on creativity is like that in humans, it just kinda sneaks up on you and makes you irratable for reasons you don't understand because it is not natural for us to sit at a desk talking nonsense all day, selling shit we don't care about or filling out forms. We have to find ways to tap into our genes and find out what our bodys are designed to do and then do it the best that we can in modern society.

Okay this post is kind of all over the place because I keep jumping to the next thing that I am thinking about. It could be best summed up as;

I hate a bunch of stuff.
I love blogging.
A lot.
I used to be even geekier than I am now.
My dog is cool.
Working usually sucks and we need to stop doing it so much.
Especially at dumb shit unnatural unnecessary jobs like call center-ing.


P.S. My sister finally pitched a fit big enough to get Robin off the leash.

P.P.S. When it thunderstorms Robin is the cutest creature that ever lived because she will go in my bed and shake so much of fright that she will shake the whole bed and it is so sad and sweet.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006