The Lewd Angel

home is where your art is.

Josh and I keep getting into ten million fights so I want to go home, the only thing is I will not go home until Jamie writes me back and lets me know that he will mind this own business so I am pretty cranky. I think I don't like people really anymore. I am always upset that I don't know anyone but right now I wish I didn't know anyone in the whole world. I tend not to care what anyone thinks of me EXCEPT for my parents and I think I focus all of that on them. The idea of upsetting them makes me incredibly sick and worried. I am usually extremely private with them because I would never want them to know anything about me that they wouldn't like. I am not sure how I got that way. I think part of it is that they had me when they were 17 and 18 and they worked very hard and went to school and my dad got disowned by his dad kinda for having a baby at 17 and I hate that I am 25 and live at home and work part time and be a fuck up.

My dad married my mother at 16 years of age and finished school and went on to get his Masters in University. The amount of hard work and commitment that came out him by the time he was my age was probably more than will ever come out of me in my entire lifetime.

They divorced when I was 11 or 12 or so and I moved to PEI with my mother. For months she didn't have a job and we were on welfare and she was terribly depressed and all she did was cry and cry and she thought she was an unfit mother and it was a horrible thing to see. There is nothing more upsetting to me than dissapointing my parents.

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Monday, January 09, 2006