all that and a bag of shit
The other day I was thinking about about how even when I don't REALLY want to have a drink that there is still this little voice in my head that says "hey why don't you have a drink" and I was thinking about the voice and I was noticing that it really does seem to feel like that thought comes the bottom back of my brain as I will very poorly illustrate. At any rate that got me starting to think about if I could feel where different thoughts are inside my brain and I do feel kind of as tho I can tell for some things. I was thinking about where the thought of trying to identify which area of your brain thoughts are coming from is and I couldn't figure it out. At any rate I have a new daydream fantasy now of being super rich and I just have this personal team of scientists and an MRI machine in my house and I can sit around with friends and we can just be like "I'll bet you that this thought comes from your frontal lobe" and they can be like "no way!" and I will just ring a bell and some guy will show up in a lab coat and I will say "we need to know where this thought comes from STAT! "
I used to have a hook up to get an MRI done in Toronto thru my friend Claire who is a science nerd/genius and I am going to Toronto next week but she will not be there. I am just going to go hang with her family because they are funny and I knew them since I was 6 years old. If you think I am as cool as I think I am and you live in Toronto maybe we can hang out but maybe not cus maybe I will be scared you are a creepazoid or maybe I wont even think you are a creepazoid but I will decide it is stupid or MAYBE NO ONE THINKS I AM AS COOL AS I THINK I AM.
James called me today and I was happy because it made me remember that I do have some friends and we made some funny jokes about about how since Laura won't talk to me I could just call her 13 times a day and I could make a jack o'lantern and put a wig on it that is like her hair and leave it on her doorstep and inside the jack o'lantern is a cell phone and when she picks up the jack o'lantern I am like spying on her and I call the cell phone and say what the fuck are you doing with my phone???
Last night I went all mentally ill style and I threw two beer bottles on the floor but they wouldn't fuckin' break so I threw a mug on the floor and it didn't fuckin' break either so I was like fuck this and I wanted to grab one of the knives and slice myself all up but I was like umm that is dumb so I called the mental health crisis line but it kept on saying we are, busy call back so I called the Ottawa crisis line and they were like we are open stay on hold but then it would just ring again and say the same thing so I was mad and I called the stupid kids help phone line and was like hi I am not a kid but there is something wrong with me and right now I should talk to a real person instead of hanging around my kitchen pitching shit at the floor and being mad that it won't break and wanting to slice the shit outta my arms. The lady talked to me but you could hear her stupid kids help phone training in the things she said because she just kept saying "I'm glad you called" and I was like I HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND NO ONE WILL HELP ME BECAUSE MY FRIENDS WON'T CALL ME AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DON'T CARE AND MY DOCTOR IS A STUPID LAZY SHIT FAKE GHETTO DOCTOR.
You know how it is....
12 comment(s):
this is all so beautifully sad.. like a thousand shades of grey 'i love you's' blown across kitchen floor..
By
badevilcow, at
9:33 p.m.
I think you are about 83% as cool as you think you are.
By
Anonymous, at
10:47 p.m.
trust me that 83% is like still like REALLY FUCKIN COOL.
By
Melissa, at
10:53 p.m.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
NYC TAXI SHOTS, at
2:27 a.m.
You're coming to my city?! This calls for a drink!
Screetus will hang with you -- I mean, after that thing about wanting to smash stuff and all, who wouldn't want to!
I'll email or something.
By
Anonymous, at
4:03 a.m.
im pretty sure i see camel toe in the undie shot
By
Markus, at
3:14 p.m.
iloveyournaturalpersonsyndrome-youknowyoudontwanttocutyourself,youjustcalledtodosomethingh,toprovethathelplinesarestupidandcansavenoone
i'm not part of no stupid help line, if you just desapear i'll be as i am now, but you know that your mental illnes is you needing to be understod, to be aproved-you don't need that, not from evreyone- that feeling of not-belonging to any human category allready with a catalog name... cause everybody needs to put people under some stupid category (efusive, serious, intellectual), just one, and when they met someone that doesn't fit just in one they get all messy and don't understand, and that gets them mad, BUT FUCK THEM... with their stupid insecurities... i don't care if this seems stupid to you,... but i passed 2 hours looking unknown blogs, and the only one that worth it was yous, your world, your tribulations and your thougts are beautifoul, as you. I'm no stupid net-lover or an easily-faller-in-love , all that things i said were cause i thing you worth it. Wathever... here i am, several miles away loving the great small part of you that i got to know here, maybe cause we are the same-so different if i write like shit or invent words is cause i don't know much english... if i bored you or pissed you off, i don't care, if it was good or neutral: GREAT, you can tell me, this isn't the las time i get into you shining (even if you don't believe it) blog. kisses or turning-away-face, depending on the result.
By
Anonymous, at
3:38 p.m.
("...cause i THINK you worth it...") - ("...so different. If i...")
By
Anonymous, at
3:52 p.m.
thanks nicolas
nihoa
that is not a camel toe that is actually like my ass kind of hanging out or something and you were NOT SUPPOSED TO NOTICE OR BRING IT UP
By
Melissa, at
5:05 p.m.
camel toe cover up
By
Markus, at
5:49 p.m.
okay so we talked and enlarged and brightened and there is a LITTLE bit of cameltoe showing but it is not a gigantoid labia hanging outta panties, it is my ass.
By
Melissa, at
6:38 p.m.
HAHAHA CAMELTOE
By
Anonymous, at
8:12 p.m.
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