The year of the troubled vag
So it is 7:30 in the morning and I only went to bed at 4a.m. and I am thoroughly unimpressed with the fact that I am BLOGGING when I should be SLEEPING. I couldn't sleep cus the air is all dry and my eyelids feel stuck to my eyeballs and my lips are all chappy. I think I am getting a fucking yeast infection and I am NOT happy about it. I only had one before and trust me, dear gentlemen, it is re-tar-ded. When I had one before I got this one day treatment medicine that was like this little egg shaped thing that you put in your vag and you are supposed to do it at night but I did it during my lunch break at work because I am gross and impatient. Anyway, what they don't tell you on the package is that inside the egg is horrible burning poison and I had to leave work like RIGHT AWAY and go to my friends house and cry and try and wash it all out and call the monistat hotline and say "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!? Why didn't you tell me that your product would cause me to CRY IN PAIN?!?!?!" and the lady was like "well a slight burning sensation is normal" and I was like "well what I have is a slight DESPERATE URGE TO REACH INSIDE MYSELF AND TEAR MY WHOLE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM OUT"
I actually didn't say exactly THAT, although, I wish I had. I think what I actually said was more along the lines of "NOOOO! THIS IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PAIN AND IT BUUUURRNS..........IT BUUUUUURRNS!" over and over again.
Anyway, I want to try some kind of natural remedy or something but it's hard to know what is made up and what is not. I was on one website where it says you take a garlic clove and put it inside yourself. The thing is, this woman goes onto say how this is a great remedy and it's so much fun because people are like hmmm it smells like garlic in here and how you like smile to yourself and be all self satisfied that they are smelling your pussy and don't know it, so I think it is a trick or something because even if you are the biggest dyke in the world and you spell woman with a y cus you are a stupid fucktard I can't understand how the fact that your pussy smells so strongly like garlic could give you pleasure and make you all THAT"S MY NATURAL REMEDY FOR MY PUSSY PROBLEMS MUTHAFUCKA!
Anyway if you know of some way to fix a yeast infection you should tell me and don't just make up some retarded thing so you can hear about hilarious antics I got into by shoving a bunch of health food store crap inside me, THANKS! |
11 comment(s):
Eat alot of yogurt with no sugar in it. For the love of god don't eat anything with sugar in it. Go to the health food store and ask for acidophilous or biffidopholous and i really don't know how to spell those two words but try and pronounce them if you can. They are capsules... no shoving in the vag required. Good luck
By
Anonymous, at
8:17 a.m.
I would not recommend following the advice of anyone who tells you to stick anything in your vag and then smile because you are secretly making a room smell like garlic with your cooter. I would go see a doctor and tell them that the egg thing made you burn and ask if there is an alternative to the poison filled egg.
By
Stussi 613, at
10:25 a.m.
You are worth stayin' up late & reading the next blog...Keep it up!!!
By
Trips Beyond, at
1:43 p.m.
do you really sleep in a bunk bed?
By
samir, at
6:59 p.m.
No, that's my lovers bed. I like my men 15 years younger than me.
ugh
actually no I'm just a creep who takes slutty pictures in my little brothers room. AWESOME
By
Melissa, at
7:52 p.m.
Who'd of thought I'd ever give advise on this subject...
My friend gets chronic yeast infections and has tried a number of painful, medically prescribed remedies. However, the best relief she's found is the Acidophilus & Bifidus suggested by your annonymous writer above - it involved insertion, though.
Good luck.
By
Anonymous, at
8:47 a.m.
another thing . . . if you like to take long, hot baths. stop. at least for a while. don't use soap, just water will do nicely. eat some yogurt (without sugar) and other good bacteria like miso soup.
infections suck. good luck.
By
Christiane, at
5:28 p.m.
well, it's not really a bunk bed, it has a desk on the bottom, not another bed.....so you're not so creepy :p
By
Matt, at
8:29 p.m.
get talking about your infected snatch BEFORE your big blogger party. you should have went, offered yourself up as the dip for the veggie plate, and THEN made this post
By
Markus, at
12:22 p.m.
yeah i had a fucking yeast infection like twice, and that egg medicine deal which is gross and i wanted to kill everyone who looked at me wrong as i winced.
your blog is a new fav of mine.
By
Krista, at
2:46 p.m.
You should really have your on cooch-maintenance blog
By
Anonymous, at
7:00 p.m.
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