moderate your bullshit intake
The totally wacky sleepover party was more like me lying in Amanda's bed telling her that she is crazy and she should stop packing because I am a bad influence and also me whining that it was cold and tee hee-ing a lot and Amanda running around like crazy saying I need to take the shower curtain down NOW!
I forgot to tell you that I got really drunk after I did my stand up cus I was all woo party time stress release or something and so yesterday I wore a pearl necklace because that is what I do when I am feeling guilty about how drunken and unladylike I am. I wear pearls to tell the world I am DEMURE! I am INNOCENT! Girls with pearls DO NOT get sloshed and forget everything from the night before. Also I kind of feel up the pearls and be like remember not to get trashed Melissa. They are maybe like rosary beads when I do that; I don't know.
Also in my stand up I got a fair few laughs for all my jokes except my last joke which was this dirty one about what kind of jobs a giz manager could do for me and people moreso made shocked faces rather than that's hilarious faces but then the host comedian and headlining comedian made some jokes with the giz manager and they laughed and apparently "they" say that people don't like dirty jokes from girls that don't seem tough and attitude which is lame.
Also last night I met this filmaker guy and he asked me for no reason if I acted and I was all yes I am going to shmooze my way into acting in something but then this lame chick who says she goes out with my friend but he claims no but he's tricky so whatever, anyway where was I? Oh yeah, the lame chick is all NO I AM INTERUPPTING and she then proceeded to go on and on about her modelling agency and how she likes to be in the background as extra's and oh my god she went to the pentagon and they filmed a movie there and it was CRAZY because it was SO TOTALLY JUST LIKE IT WAS IN THE MOVIE, also she went on about like hahahahahaha I am so hilarious cus when I was in school 20 YEARS AGO I got to choose an activity and I chose target practice. Also she was saying how she was some picture of some murder victim on some hot shit show and I wanted to tell her that it's because she looks like a dumpy old whore that would get murdered. I also should have said Oh yeah you like guns? How about shooting yourself in the talker so I wouldn't have to listen to you prattle on anymore. Except I shouldn't have said that at all.
Also I am fat now for really, real this time and this is me telling myself to stop drinking so much beer and eating french fries and cookies even tho writing out cookies just made me want to eat one. shit. |
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