I fucking mate that guy.
Like I said I barely remember anything about fooling around with so and so the other night but what I do remember is lying in bed with him and then being suddenly hit with a holy shit you look like Joe. I am mostly just attracted to guys that kinda all have the same look to them. I am pretty retardedly picky in a lot of ways. I kind of want to talk about all the guys I dated who look similar. Anyway Joe goes first cus he's most important.
Joe and I never actually went out. We fought too much and we both have zero commitment skills but our affair lasted 6 years or something ridiculous and we admit to loving eachother now. We got into some fucking huge fights which are pretty funny when I can remember them. I threw wine in his face and kicked him in the balls although he says I missed. He deserved it so whatever. We both never had it together to have apartments a lot of the time so we slept together in a lot other people's apartments. Once we stayed at an empty apartment he was moving into next month. He used to live with me kinda in Calgary when I was 18 and that's when it all started. We slept together in my room which was the laundry room. His room was in behind the couch. Joe is even more restless than me in a way and he spends a lot of time walking around. We go for walks and are just kinda two loners walking together but I always like walking with him. He has a country sort of Dad and I went to his house for Easter dinner last year and it was nice. Sometimes he likes to imagine that he is in love with me and sometimes I like to imagine that I'm in love with him but not usually at the same time. We are just both daydreamers. He speaks with a voice that's warm and deep and if you never heard from him in two years and he called you up you'd know it was him right away.
Here is a brief description of my other look alikeish lovers
TIMMY-lost my virginity to this PERVERT, tell you all about it in my book. He asked me to come home to PEI from Calgary for him and then two days after I got there he dumped me cus he wanted to screw this other chick. Thanks Timmy.
CHRIS-totally completly stupid guy that I dated cus I found him hot. My roomates just called him pole. I think I called him pole when he wasn't around too. He worked at a grocery store and one time we went on a date and he spent TEN MINUTES telling me about what kind of items are available in "no name" brand. wtf? I had to stop messing around with him after this one day he was over playing trivial pursuit with us and I discovered that the guy could just BARELY read. Listening to him trying to read the cards out loud was painful and embarrassing. Also he had the most boring name ever and he was in love with some girl named Julie Butterfield or something and he had this dumb friend who was OBSESSED with the song "no diggedy" in an unhealthy way.
ROBBIE-porn star version of Timmy. I met him and called him Timmy cus I am funny and bitchy, and was like dude if you want to get with me I am going to call you Timmy and you are going to deal with it. At first he was cranky about it but next time I saw him he was like hey it's me Timmy because, like Timmy, he is a pervert. One time I went to meet Joe somewhere and he was talking with Robbie who was not even from our town and it was socially awkward for me. When Joe would leave Robbie kept begging me to come to the car and watch him jerk off. I was going out with Nathan at the time who was away on tour and I was all blah blah I have a boyfriend now and he is just gone and he was like you think your touring musician boyfriend isn't cheating on you RIGHT now?? and it made me cry and then he apologized and said maybe he wasn't. Then ten minutes later he was like I have a hard on cus you're so hot, please come watch me jerk off in the car, it's not cheating.
Okay Oh my GOOOOOOOOD I'm horney and lonely and I need a boyfriend because I am dying to have sex again. So sick of taking slutty pictures of myself and masterbating in my room.
P.S. I find this post hilarious and Ryan doesn't. |
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