the bottle house
Okay. I was discussing my extreme alcoholism with my friend and now I am depressed. The thing is that I don't really mind so much being a drunk embarrassment to myself but I feel awful that I when I am very drunk I can turn into a huge bitch. Basically I get self conscious of feeling like a huge embarrassment and then I turn into a big bitch to everyone in defense or something, ugh. I know it is something I do. I have done it to my own best friends. I know I am physically able to quit drinking; I quit for that month and it was fine. The thing is that I really don't want to quit drinking because I seriously love alcohol. I realize that there is zero sympathy that viewpoint. I dunno, I find it strange and interesting how people are different, how some people don't really like drinking. When people say to me that they don't really like drinking it is kind of unfathomable to me and it is frustrating to know that it would be unfathomable to other people why I continue to drink when it turns me into a huge jack ass and makes me I dunno, get arrested and stuff. Not to be gaytarded or anything but alcoholism is sort of rollercoastery. It goes up and down and scares the shit out you sometimes but I have been on this ride my whole adult life and I know there will always be parts that are okay. THAT WAS THE LAMEST SENTENCE I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. Ugh, I dont have any drinking epiphanies to write about or anything, I still just maintain that I need to get a life for a bit and then it will calm down some. bler blah. Whatever, it's four in the morning; I'll think about things tomorrow. |
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