special report
I still exist.
I think I am moving out at the end of the month. I got into a fight with my father yesterday and blah blah it's fine now but I just need to get out of here I think. I am moving probably downtown into some kind of bachelor apt/boarding house type place. Well not a boarding house. A room. I dunno-no landlords live there. I won't have a stove tho; just a microwave. I might not have internet for awhile either on account of the fact that I dont own a computer. So probably starting March this blog will be me giving microwavable food reviews from internet cafes. Are you excited? I already bought a bunch of microwavable food so I can practice being poor. So far, I've eaten a no name brand mild chicken and bean burrito. I give it an F for "fucking terrible". The extra shitty thing, is that I bought a pack of 6 of them cus I seemed to remember that they were pretty good. I guess that that was back in the day when I thought 99cent 7-eleven hamburgers were the secret ingrediant to long life and wealth.
Anyway, I am pretty excited about it, the new place I mean. I have already started planning things like how I will grow a plant and the plant will be best friend that keeps me company and how I will put my dominican rum in the mini fridge and maybe Amanda will come over and we will sit on the floor and drink it. I've also been pretty concerned about what music I will excitedly dance to when I first move in because I know I will be in excited celebration dance mode. I was imagining how I would play my new Justin Timberlake cd but then I got kind of worried that the girl next door will be like oh no! some Justin Timberlake-loving, drunk retard has moved in and how she would be like sitting in her room saying GREEAAT in this long sarcastic voice. Anyway I might prepare a special mix cd for the day even tho that makes me extremely neurotic.
The Justin Timberlake cd is pretty good for a pop cd. Usually those kinds have all these really aweful filler songs. I liked it best tho the first day I bought it because that day I was kind of skipping past the end of songs but today I was listening to it normal and I realised that there are a whole bunch of songs on it that are about three minutes too long. Oh yeah and it has this one song which I think was loosely based on that song that goes Hi....My name is Bob....and I work in....a button factory...One day....my boss comes up to me....
I think it is based on that song because it starts off hi, my name is Bob but the guy in it doesn't work at a button factory he is a crack addict. There is this weird repetitive thing in the background tho that sounds like a sound I would make if someone asked me to sing an interpretion of someone pushing buttons in a button factory. Seriously. Listen.
Pfft. Nice video moron.
Anyway, yeah that song is WAY too long and it has one of those over the top whole choir sing song things at the end of it that I guess, is supposed to inspire you to not become a crack addict. Whatever, don't write pop songs about how you shouldn't be a crack addict. You should probably write songs that are pro-hard drugs because even tho drugs give me the heebie jeebies I like songs that make me want to try coke because when you are listening to them you get to feel like you are a cool rich cokehead or something. When you listen to the anti-crack choir you feel like a fat 15 year old that got suckered into listening to an 8 minute P.S.A. about drugs on account of the fact that Justin Timberlake is so dreamy. Someone should probably make a song with a pro-crack choir that could sing about their amazing experiences with cocaine. I should probably form that choir. I have a lot of fantasies involving choirs to tell the truth. Like this one where I bang the whole church choir. Okay that was joke. Anyway, you should probably know that also in that song Justin sings "and the craziest thing is, I'll probably never know the colour of my daughters eyes" because I think it is kind of the foreshadowing of the power gayness to come at the choir climax.
p.s. haha
I am randomly importing old pictures folders into my picture thing to add to this post and I just imported one and I am looking at the pictures like Who the fuck are these people? and then I figured out that it is these weird printer students I made friends with when I got drunk by myself in the day. I left them because my mom was in town and we were supposed to go for dinner but on the way there I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in the farthest away place possible and she was worried that I got killed because I didnt end up getting there till late at night. We ordered pizza and then she went to bed and I stayed up in her hotel room watching an infomercial for "girls gone wild-games"; where girls competed in sexy games that midgets referee'd. I felt like a pretty big fuck up that day.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!
Turns out, Lisi Tesher is the daughter of the former columnist who held the bane of my existence title "Ask Ellie". My head nearly exploded when I found out about this. I was honestly shaking. I have an old draft entry rotting away somewhere in this blog that was meant to be dedicated to shit-talking Ask Ellie. Here's a little pearl of wisdom I just picked up off her website under "tips"
"Generalizing is generally unhelpful to everyone."
Preach it sister! No wonder, your daughter's a fucking retard.
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