I'm decision ready!
Okay, when I say I drink too much I am being serious. I think I ruined my stomach lining because I day-puked again today. I puked in a restaurant at lunch. I was eating by myself and then I was like oh time to puke so I kinda ran to the bathroom and made it there on time. thank god. It would be pretty bad if I just puked on the plate. Actually now I am thinking about it and it woulda been pretty funny to write about atleast. Anyway, I never used to be a day after puker. I am seriously ruining my body AND MY LIFE!I have said all my life that I am an alcoholic, ever since I was a baby seriously. No, okay where was I? I was an alcoholic most of my life but I was never as bad as I have become. Today I didn't drink for real but usually the days where I say I dont drink are days where I drink about 4 or 5 drinks throughout the day because that is what is passing as "not drinking" these days. I really really need to stop but I don't know how to do it. I am at a point where I am used to black outs. I am used to the jumble inside my head. I am okay with not talking about things I remember in case they might be dreams. I am no longer bothered when I can't remember how I got home because I fill in the blanks myself with stuff that is happier than real life.
A few weeks ago I got drunk. I was feeling sad that day because I was feeling like a lonely old drunk man. I kept asking people all night if nobody liked me (+ 300 cool points). A bunch of us went for pho, one of "us" being Parker-a lonely old drunk man who works with us. I somehow ordered the wrong soup or got the wrong soup and refused to eat it, then I sprayed hotsauce all over Parker and was all angry saying I DON'T WANNA BE A PARKER! Then I stormed out and took a cab home. I know this because people told me; in the morning I didnt remember any of that. I was like hmm what happened? oh yeah, well we went for soup and then Joe must have driven me home! ta-da! It is easy to paint over the all the details of your life that make you feel like crap.
I dont know how to get out of this. I havnt always been this bad and I know that if I had some sort of life I could normal up but I dont know how to get a life. Anyway, DO YOU THINK IF I MOVE OUT I WILL GET A BOYFRIEND?
haha |
0 comment(s):
Post a comment
<< Home