super important muscle groups
Okay, I wish I had all these die hard fans or so much cash that I could have like blogging assistants because part of the reason why i dont blog anymore much is that I am too lazy to fucking size up pictures and upload them to imageshack. Holy that takes forever and I am like umm exuse me I have rediscovered the special connection that I have to playing video games and getting fat and depressed, I no longer have time for this.
Ive been busy with some other stuff too, like I moved and whatever. I have a stove and stuff now. Living the high life.
Did I ever tell you about the time that a string broke off my tampon and then I had to fish it out of me and the whole time I was freaking out because whatever, because I dunno I had a tampon stuck inside me-self explanatory. It was tampax pearl. Don't buy that kind. Whatever, dont buy tampax pearl because first of all that is a dumb fucking name. Who the fuck market researched that? Nobody was like umm I would feel happier sticking this in my vagina if it were iridescent. hahah.
Okay you know what i would buy?
fucking unicorn horn tampons.
tampax unicorn horn.
and the slogan could be like umm put the magic inside you, or something like that anyway.
That is actually genius.
Seriously, maybe the tampon could like magically swirl inside you. OH MY GOD!
and when you took it out and the end was all bloody you could pretend that it is like because the unicorn horn went inside you and killed the potential baby that was threatening to grow inside you and rob you of a life.
awesome.
THAT IS MY IDEA YOU FUCKING TAMPON COMPANIES! DO NOT STEAL IT OR I WILL MEGA SUE YOU!
Anyway, before I got excited thinking about unicorn horn tampons I was gonna make fun of tampax pearl and how they just fall off inside you and how you should call the hotline if that ever happens to you and be like ummm, if I just leave this tampon inside me will it be like a grain of sand inside of an oyster and eventually my uhhh "oyster juice" will harden around it and make a precious item that I can make a necklace out of? and when they are like ummm, no you could get kinda mad about it, like it is misleading advertising or something because you were pretty sure it was a do-it-yourself kit. You could be all well now you ruined christmas because I was making that for my mom.
Anyway, it is too bad that everything that i think is funny has to do with like pee and periods and gross.
I got really drunk last night (and by night I mean evening) and I dunno something weird happened on the subway where somebody named fancesco helped me out somehow, I think he called someone to help me because i was woozy and blacked out drunk. I dunno, do I have a secret death wish or something? Probably, I do. Probably I am suicidal from living in a shitty unicorn horn tampon-less world.
THE END. |
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