paper bag prince
I thought you should probably know that I am a big fan of matching my headband to my shoes. I do it a lot. I actually just really REALLY enjoy the feeling of wearing matching clothes. I also have a lot matching skirts and headbands.
Okay, here is what I wanted to tell you. Last year one of my ex-boyfriends won 25,000 dollars on a McDonalds pull tab cup. A month ago they flew him to Toronto and took his picture. In October that picture will be on the McDonalds bags. I'll show you when it comes out.
Anyway, it is too bad that I am not desperately still in love with him or else I could go eat McDonald's everyday JUST TO SEE HIS FACE and I could cry while shoving french fries down my throat. Then I would get fat from, uhh loving him too much I guess, and it would this horrible heart wrenching tale or something because I would get too fat for anyone else to love. Then once the bags stopped having his picture on them I could be so far into the depression spiral that I would keep going anyway and just "see him" in the grease stains; ink spot style. Oh, I could start seeing "our wedding day" in the grease stains or maybe I could see the children WE SHOULD HAVE HAD in the grease stains. That would be awesome. Anyway, it is still pretty awesome that you guys get to go eat McDonalds and think whoa, she fucked that guy?
Speaking of fucking guys, I am currently shopping around for a new part time lover since me and the egyptian are officially-permanently on the outs. I am too sour at him to have sex with him again. Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with my prison outfit. Really. A prison outfit sex fight would have been a much more entertaining send off to that mess but I guess you can't have everything.
Before I started fooling around with the egyptian again I had been toying with the idea of only dating minor celebrities. I messed around with a lot of minor celebrities and I think I am a fan of it. Basically, I am cold, weird and afraid of commitment as well as somehow being totally annoying and needy when I'm involved in any effort at normal relationships so I like the idea of resigning myself strictly to sexy shenanigans that offer a bonus of getting a funny story to email home about. I had a few rules in mind for only dating celebrities tho. Basically, they can't be too famous, like they can be on tv but I've never seen them on there. The advantage to this plan is that newish celebrity guys are easy-peasy to get with even more-so than the average guy because suddenly they can get laid as much as a girl can and they act super slutty because they don't know how to handle the attention. That is my theory anyway. Also, I can't do anyone too famous because it would just probably make me feel like they have the upper hand. I have been seriously thinking about this for months. There is this graffiti around town that is sort-of a bunch of pictures of cat-ish looking creatures and I was thinking about maybe trying to date that guy since he would fit into the right amount of famous/not famous that I am looking for. I might have met him or his friend at the art show. I saw similar art on display and asked the guy if he was the cat-ish looking grafitti guy and he was weird about it like saying no but three different people had art here and he didn't know if anyone of them were him. Maybe he thought I was in some undercover member of a Larry O'Brian* task force.
*mayor of Ottawa who is making a big name for himself because he is extra against graffiti and homeless people
ATTENTION! If you are the catish looking graffiti artist from Ottawa you should email me because I want to go on a date with you and I am cool.
Anyway, I think Jamie getting on the McDonalds bag is a sign that I should go thru with my plan. Also, you should know that sometimes I would tell myself that I should not be aloud to do the egyptian because he did not have enough shitty celebrity status but I was always telling myself pfft, whatever he is a former egyptian pampers model or something and that is close enough. So if I can offer you some sage advice it is don't have sex with former egyptian pampers models. Only do it with current ones. Okay, that is a joke.
I stink. Vote on what path to take my adventures. K thanks bye. |
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