Melissa and Angels: Warriors for the Truth.
This is a an all exclusive interview with myself. Only on the lewd angel blog.
Melissa-
I’ve noticed that loneliness is a big theme in a lot of your postings, I think most of your readers would agree that you seem like a fun person to be around, so why are you alone so often?
Lewd Angel-
I don’t know, maybe there is such thing as being too cool.
Melissa-
Are you dating anyone?
Lewd Angel-
I try not to talk about that kinda stuff to the press.
Melissa-
Hmmm...Okay, so why the name “The Lewd Angel”?
Lewd Angel-
Well usually I just tell people that the name is stolen from an old pulp novel and that I chose it as my blog name because it’s short and memorable but to be honest I also feel that the image of the lewd angel is an accurate depiction of my character because I do a lot of lewd/angelic things. Plus I am pretty much God’s messenger. There’s a bit of trivia for the readers!
Melissa-
You do a lot of lewd AND angelic things? Really? What do you mean by that?
Lewd Angel-
You know, generally I make a point not to talk about it because I really hate to toot my own horn. I’ve never really been a fan of the whole angel- horn blowing thing like HEY LOOK AT ME I’M GODS MESSENGER! but I’ve been really shit on in the media lately so you know what I’m gonna open up to you. I kinda wanna stand up for myself because people are only getting one side of the story in the tabloids. Like last week; I was arrested for lewd behaviour and whatever I’m not denying it. If you read the police report it looks bad. Yes, I peed in a public place in broad daylight and yes it was in a kids schoolyard but what people need to realize is that that’s not the full story. What the police report fails to mention is that this occurred in the fucking DESERT in AFRICA. They don’t mention that right before I emptied last nights 12 pack into the middle of the schoolyard I planted some seeds there. So I’m vilified in the press but meanwhile these kids have a better quality of life cus they’re feeding off the crop at the scene of “my crime”. You know I get letters from these kids thanking me all the time. They tell me that they are all gonna be doctors when they grow up and heal the world whatever but you don’t see that in the police report.
Melissa-
Wow! That’s pretty crazy. I can see why you get upset.
Lewd Angel-
Oh I know! This world is seriously crazy. Like, I’m Gods messenger and I choose to express God’s message via use of bodily excretions and people seem to have a real problem with that. Personally I find it suiting as it literally comes from within but people just don't get it. Fuck! So I spat in your boyfriends face; before you freak out about it maybe you should take a second look. You can see the virgin Mary crying in that spit mark. You should be thanking me, not punching me in the stomach! Another example...The other day I was jerking off some homeless guys in the Tim Hortons and you wouldn’t believe the dirty looks I was getting from the customers. The line up for a double double was veritable parade of disgusted nine to fivers. If these people just looked closer maybe they woulda noticed that the giz splatter actually spelled “Peace on Earth”. I’m sorry but that’s a beautiful message anyway you cut it. I think you’d have to be a robot not to feel a little warm and fuzzy inside after reading that but people are just blinded by judgement.
Melissa-
Yeah you know that’s funny because you see so often in the news stuff about people seeing signs from god in all kinds a weird shit; virgin Mary potatoe chips etc.
Lewd Angel-
Yeah no kidding. You know what I think it is? I think people are lazy. They don’t wanna root through my collection of used maxi pads looking for Jesus’s face. They want Jesus to appear in their toast. You see it on television. They want angels meddling in their cream cheese. I mean that’s probably why they weren’t noticing my homeless men cum message at the Tim Hortons the other day; they were too busy looking for holiness in their bagels. Haha! Holey-ness in the their bagels! Get it?!? Get it?!?! Where was I? Oh yeah, I was just saying I think people have become so lazy that they don’t want to look for signs of God anymore. They want it want it served to them on their plate. People have become so greedy and gluttonous. Gods message isn’t good enough for them just by itself; they want a large soda and a bag of chips with it too. It’s really a shame.
Melissa-
Wow ! That’s really insightful of you. What else do you do to try and combat your negative image?
Lewd Angel-
I wear this t-shirt that says 99% Angel. I'm trying to get people to think more about my character.
Melissa-
You are extremely awesome. I really feel like I have a lot in common with you. Do you want to be best friends?
Lewd Angel-
Okay. We rule. Society drools. |
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