two naked animals
I went to apply to get my Ontario health card today but it turns out I need to get a million other papers proving I exist first which sucks. Anyway, it was really sunny out and I decided I wanted to go kinda tan somewhere but I was wearing jeans so I went and picked up some corney three dollar shorts that said "Aloha" on the bum and walked over to the parliament buildings and laid around there for a bit. There was some kind of camera crew with some guy making an ad or announcement or something nearby. I couldn't hear what he was saying too well but he seemed like he wanted to look very sincere and I heard the word "jobs" and "change". I wasn't wearing a top or anything at that point in time, just laying around like a white trash slut in my bright pink shorts and my bra and I had this enormous urge to get up and run over and be all booga booga boooga blahr!; ruining his video and creating a slutty hilarity spectacle.
Also today some guy almost ran me over because instead of slowing down or stopping he just laid on the horn so loud and long that I was like what the hell? and couldn't move. I gave him the old what the fuck dude? gesture and he was yelling at me back like duh its a green light for me but when I had started to cross the street it was a green light for me, so whatever. Then he drove away and I stuck out my tongue at him but I was so mad that afterwards I was brooding with regret at not having gone and spat in his face.
I have some amazing bruises on my legs and no idea how they got there. I can't stop spending money on clothes. I buy no clothes all winter but all summer I am crazy in love with dressing up and matching.
Also this.
Dear spiders,
Please stop living inside my house so much. I keep getting the heebie jeebies on my skin thinking that you are crawling on me. Thank you in advance for your consideration towards my request.
your truly,
Melissa |
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