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I have fucking insomnia it is driving me crazy. I am going to buy some melatonin tomorrow. Maybe I will also hunt down my stash of supposedly super powered sleeping pills tomorrow too; by tomorrow I mean tonight since it is already 7 o'clock in the morning and i haven't been able to get to sleep. I have two classes today and now I don't think I can go to sleep even if I could because I am afraid that I won't wake up. I am pretty sure that I found a dead cockroach in my house. I was pretty sure that I killed one three or four weeks ago but I never saw anymore after that until today I think. I am actually super clean now. I am thinking that my crazy neighbour lives in filth though because he always smells bad and whatever is crazy and has no job and yells at imaginary intruders in the middle of the night. Anyway I partially can't sleep because I am afraid of cockroaches, like I am afraid of having them and never being able to get rid of them. They can move into your stuff and go with you everywhere. I'm also afraid of them crawling in my bed.
There are also a bunch of other things stressing me out and keeping me up. I dunno I have been fucked up for a while now. I got to sleep before two on Sunday and thought that I was cured of this but I guess I am not. I am also feeling pretty pessimistic like ugh, what is the point of anything.
Oh I just published this and then I thought of something positive to say. I really love borders, like on a drawing. I love peeling off tape and seeing nice clean paper underneath next to messy paper. That is like my favourite part of drawings I think or maybe just crappy drawings because even if a drawing is crappy the border will still be good. I don't know why but that is super satisfying to me. I could probably make some sort of gay concept art exhibit about it. Dear God, I probably will, by the time I am finished art school I will be brainwashed into thinking that concept is everything. Wow I have seen some shit art in critiques. Like basically people just not doing the assignment and then writing full page explanations of how whatever piece of crap they have is this big world concept that validates it somehow as a piece of visual art. Did you know that if you glue a bicycle streamer to some cardboard that you painted black in the middle that is represents how society doesn't like art anymore? The black is like a black hole that is swallowing up all the colour in the world. God it is hard not to be like umm maybe society doesn't like art anymore because too many people just glue bicycle streamers to cardboard.
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