wistful is not a good look for you honey
I stayed at Amanda's house last night. There was some neighbour snoring insanely loud and keeping me awake; it took me ten minutes even to figure out that it was someone snoring cus it was so loud and muffled. I was laying there thinking what the fuck is that? GOD'S HEARTBEAT??!?!?! Then I was thinking whoa play that up Melissa; what could be more comforting and relaxing than being a fetus listening to God's heartbeat from within? and I was trying to kinda pretend like that was the deal with the snoring to try and help me get back to sleep but it totally didn't work.
I was dreaming that I working like as a writer/vapid celebrity shit-talker. I was watching a bunch of videos of celebs and making a bunch of lame disses like NICE HAT! ASHLEE SIMPSON! oooooooo BUUURRRRRRNNNN that kinda thing and then it finally came to this video of puff daddy dancing around like mad totally naked except for this jewel encrusted looking belt. I was like Umm what the fuck is this about? and someone explained to me that puff daddy had organized BALLSFEST. My diss at this point like uhhh does he even have any balls? I wouldnt brag if I were him cus yeah, you couldnt really see any sorta distinguishing genetalia on him at all. Anyway, then the clip kinda turned into this documentary about Ballfest which was apparently an event for little boys where they danced around in circles slapping their balls to celebrate their masculinty. I was like UMMMMM WHAT THE FUCK and there was some narrator gong on sayign stuff in the background, then is was showing these little white trash boys playing the ballsfest game or run around a graveyard that archbishops are picnicing in trying to kick eachother in the nuts. Then the kids ran into a cave or almost got hit by a train or something and it showed the mom all DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS A GOOD MOM and then it was a public service announcement saying seriously, don't have kids.
This is me reminding myself that I am not drinking tonight.
the end. |
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