velvet 17th century mace year of women and children first

The Lewd Angel

old things and golden strings

I guess I decided that I am going to make a new blog because I am bored of this one. I dunno too many people could read it or something and plus it is just so long and old...I feel like it is just an endless word pile. Also I don't like my font and I cant seem to change it. Ugh, I guess it is sort of like how sometimes you have to move because your current abode is too full of old memories and old things. Anyway, thanks for reading people. I guess you can email me if you want to know the new address but I will probably just give it to people that are real life people I know because it's nice to keep in touch. It is a wild party over on the new blog. I used quotations even.

Anyway, bye fuckers.


get your motor running out into the ocean

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Did you guys know that a new trend for moms to do is to cook a bunch of pasta and put their baby in it and take pictures. True story. My sister showed me two different girls on facebook that did that. I will try to get my hands on some proof for you guys in case you don't believe me. Sleep tight.


old feelings

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I was just on facebook and this guy I know just invited me to join his group for him dressing up like batman and asking people to tip him to get their picture taken with him. Anyway, umm this guy just likes dressing up like batman and robin both. I have known him for probably three or four years like it is not a phase and it is not usually his get rich quick thing he just likes to do it for some reason. Also I think you guys should know that this guy takes himself very seriously and is a dick. Also he is a decently good looking guy so he seems to get a lot of hot dates but they are always first dates because he has a pretty bad personality. I guess he has never really been uhhh mean to me except that he fucking snuck into the comedy condo that I had to clean and made a mess and annoyed the othe people staying there who were actually supposed to be there. Oh yeah also when he was in the comedy condo which he illegally snuck into he went on this messageboard and pretended to be a big fan of his own comedy and made a thread being liek oh man this guy is so great and then someone called him on it and his response was basically SO! Sorry I was just realising that I never told you guys that a guy like that exists.

I stopped by at my grandparents house today. They live in a home now but grandpa was in the garage cleaning stuff up when I got there. They are putting their house up for sale now. I helped him sweep up some birdseed and cracked corn stuff off the floor of the garage that the racoons got into. My grandpa said the coons love cracked corn. He was just sitting on a chair in there when I went in and I sat down next to him for a bit. I told him that I love the smell of the garage (It smells sort of like a dirt basement in there)....anyway he just said something like oh this old stink....but I can't help but think that he must like the smell of it in there too. He spent a lot of time in there and my grandpa lived in that house his whole life. His father built it before he was born. It made me so damn sad, I bawled all the way to Summerside and the truth is I am bawling again now just thinking about it. I just wish that he could understand how much that smell actually meant to me. The only time I ever smelled anything like it when I was kid was when I went to their house and it was so exciting to me. It makes me think of my grandpa out in the garage working on something or out in his garden. He was a farmer and he knows an aweful lot about growing things. He also had a keen interest in antigue engines. He used to collect them and put them in the parades. I was always really impressed with him. My grandma used to grow a long row of flowers at the edge of the lawn. Huge roses and the like which she entered into this flower competition in town. She would win a lot of the prizes and one time she let me enter a flower in under my own name and it came in third. They had this bluish/purple bouncy ball that I would take out in the driveway and bounce around and it made this special kind of echo sound when it bounced. I don't really know how to describe it- I just mean that the smell made me remember what that place felt like when I was a kid and it was something special. I can't remember the places we lived so hot when I was a kid because they were mostly row houses and we moved around a lot. I can't get any of this out eloquently. All I can say is that I felt happy to spend that bit of time with him but sad as hell at the same time. I don't know how to cope with aging and death. I was supposed to go see my dads father before he died and I just didn't. I felt like I just couldnt stand to see him so sick and I don't know how to act around someone when you know they are going to die soon. I want to say a million things but I am afraid to and I always start to kinda cry and feel embarrassed.


consider yourself challenged

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I guess I havn't been writing much this summer eh? I guess that is for the twins reasons of being on vacation and also working all the time. I am on a brain vacation sort of...not that I am not thinking of stuff I think I am just on a recharge or whatever. Also I really do work all the time it seems. I work pretty late too. I don't mind so much though because I want to save up lots of money. I am obsessed with buying some property or a little cottage or something on PEI. I love it here and I want to come back next summer and I also kind of want to live in a dumb trailer or something. Also I am realising that I will not be able to afford anything once I am done school because I will owe the government all my money so I should probably have a place to hide out at and be folk artist or whatever. The truth is I am going crazy with desire everytime I see some laundry out hung up on a line because I want it SO BAD. I have a meeting with a real estate agent in a few days even though I have no money really and no credit.

I'm dreaming songs almost every night it seems...but as usual I can't seem to remember much about them for long when I wake up. I wrote a note to myself that I think was the chorus of a song but I can barely read it. I think it says "I owe you the book on you" I think that meant something more to me than I can figure out right now and I keep rolling the words around in my head to see what they attach themselves to.

It stormed like crazy this morning and I couldn't sleep because the poor dog was breathing so heavy and shaking like crazy. The odd thing is that lately she has been sometimes shaking like crazy when the weather is perfectly fine....if you take her out and throw the ball around she'll calm right down so I don't know what that is about. She is getting to be pretty old and turning pretty weird in general so maybe it is just that but also I am like whoa? can you sense danger girl?

I'm exhausted folks. My family dragged me out to see double feature at the drive-in Ice Age 3? and Night at the Museum 2.

They were about as good as one would expect. There was some pretty strong umm sexual innuendo imagery in Ice Age which was sorta interesting to me though and they played the old intermission tape at the drive thru which was pretty neat. It is an add for the canteen and they are like SPARKILING SODA POP!

okay bye

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dead bird alert

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OK did I ever tell you guys that I am sort of paranoid that I am some sort of dark lord of birds before? Basically, I see dead birds a lot I think? I mean what is the average amount of dead birds someone is supposed to see? Also a lot of the birds I see are headless. Ugh. I dunno. The week before I moved here I think I saw four dead birds in Toronto. Wait no. One was not dead yet. A cat ate its rear end off and it was on it's back kinda pain chirping pathetically. It was aweful I was freaking out because I knew I would have to kill it when my crazy neighbour rolled up and he said he would finish it off for me. Another one of the dead birds was this one that was right outside my step, its body was intact except that it had a big hole where its heart would go and everytime I left my house a whole bunch of flies would come flying out its heart hole.

Also, umm a couple years ago for some reason birds started to fly like right by my head like they brush against my hair when they fly past....but that has happened in awhile. Anyway so I've been living with this paranoia that somehow I make birds die or that soem part of the universe is piling up bird corpses in my path but I was kinda over it because I had only seen one headless bird since I got here (which was kinda weird-it wasn't on the road it looked like its head got crushed by a rock or something) Ugh, anyway, yeah that was the only one I saw...and plus there is this eagle that flies around majestically by my work all the time so i kinda figured I was home free regarding being some sort of dark lord of birds but then yesterday I was driving with Tess and there was this bird just standing on the road in front of us and it eventually kinda walked over top the other side of the road where some other car immediately ran it over...and then when I went for that walk i saw another headless bird.

anyway, umm besdies all that stuff I love PEI.


gentlemen fallers

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That is something funny we found today. It's a placemat my sister made for us when she was a kid. I guess she decided after the fact that maybe the dogs buthole was in poor taste.

I went and saw the hangover with her and Ryan today. I guess I liked it just because of Zach Galifianakis...swoon. Christ I don't need to start fantasizing about him again. I guess he will probably get to be super famous now and it will be weird. Anyway, they played who let the dogs out near the beginning of the movie. Ugh, they seriously need to stop playing that song in movies. Anyway a pretty good joke/burn to say if you would be his friend and he started to get all I dunno, how celeberities are supposed to be, uhh bossy or self important or dickish or whatever...the joke would be that he would be maybe throwing a fit over something lame and you go WHOA WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?!

Anyway I got a job. I feel like I have been here longer than I have. There is so much space here, it's so lovely to see big fields and hills. Not that I was ever un-in-love with my home but after being in Toronto for that time I really appreciate the amount of space I can see.


ghost of happy futures

I think maybe some good advice is geez, don't own anything. I'm in PEI right now and I brought pretty much all of my clothes with me. I left the house yesterday with these two giant bags and just realised how ridiculous it was immediately but didn't really have time to deal with it...anyway I had to take 18 pounds of stuff out of my bag as carry on luggage to even be allowed to check in. Ugh, so dumb. I guess a lot of my art crap is heavy too but blugh. Oh, I started to think about that because I was thinking I was relaxed but then got immediate anxiety when I thought about my apartment. Anyway, I am here now. I went to the beach tonight and it was lovely.

Last night my family got pretty hammered, or me and my mom did atleast I dunno. Anyway I guess I don't have much to say about that. My sis and I went for a walk and stopped into see our grandparents in their new nursing home. It was kind of entertaining to me. My grandpa is this real quiet farmer type guy....he still wakes up at quarter after 4 every morning. Anyway, I guess a few months ago he just busted out these Marilyn Monroe suspenders and now he wears them every day. Tess was saying when he first busted them out that grandma was sort of embarrassed or being sort of like umm? are you gonna wear those suspenders out to dinner and he was just all yup, I am sure am. Anyway, I was asking them about this nursing home versus their last one and they like this one much better. They only went in a nursing home in the last year so it is still pretty weird to have them out of their own home. Anyway, they like this place a lot better because they said the last place was super boring and all the other residents were deaf and shitty to talk to. Grandma was kinda going on about how boring it was at the old place and then she says "One day, we even played cards with eachother. That's how bad it got."

It's possible that I find that funnier than other people.

p.s. I also went to that bingo that I prebooked a booklet for. It was Bingo that was put on by the social comittee of my mom and sisters work and it was pretty bad because there was no bingo screen and the lady that was calling the numbers didn't have a mic and she was using just this tiny little hand rolling bingo machine. Anyway the prizes were all things like 40 dollar gift certificates to uhh M&M meat shops or zellers and stuff like that. This old french woman at the table next to us gave me a million old french lady crotch shots because for some reason she decided to wear this fancy short skirted suit out and also never close her legs. The woman that was sitting next to her also talked THE ENTIRE TIME. about nothing. She was just dumb and loved hearing her own voice, like they said called out I 16 and the woman just goes. 16. My son is 16. He has his learners permit. They call out B 15 and she just says. One and a five. To no one. Ugh. Also the french lady couldn't understand any of the bingo winning patterns and needed ro have them to be explained to her like ten times. She had particular trouble with two lines or one line and four corners.

I think the weird patterns on the cards made by drawing of the random numbers makes me think about things in weird ways that I can't explain. Well that combined with the boredom of bingo and the time it gives you to think about things. I felt like I wanted to take everyones used up cards home and, you know, run scientific experiments on them.

Anyway, I won twice but all I got was 20 dollars of gift certificates to the drug store and a free booklet for the next time that they have social comittee bingo. Anyway, I need to get a job, you can't live off that.